tulips

Winter is gone and spring has sprung and we are on our first weekend getaway this year. Destination Holland, Michigan where Tulips festival is being celebrated every year. The official date for festival will start on May 5 but most of us are working on that date so here we are enjoying the scenery and the beauty of tulips.

Truly it is gift from above. Sometimes i would think that they are like us. They are called tulips in general but they have different names and colors. They have different kinds of personalities. There are about 100 species of this flowering plants. It grows about 4-27 in tall with a small number of strap-shaped, waxy-textured green leaves and large flowers with 6 petals.



Though associated with Holland, tulips was originally from Middle East. The name and flowers are both associated with Turbans. Brought to Europe in the 16 century.

spidey

Spiderman 3 will be in theaters starting May 3. I probably might watch it on thursday on my day off. I can't wait for this. I don't really know if what will happen to M.J. and Peter and also about Peter and Harry. I hoped this is going to be beautiful. With two feared-villains Sandman and Venom while spiderman being influence by his black suit and forgot about the people who cares for him. Though it enhance his power, it also brings out the dark. How can spidey controls himself and the suit? How will he kill sandman and venom? Will he be able to tell Harry about his father?

a feeling so hard to let go

I don't know if you experience the kind of feeling to the opposite sex that no matter what you do, you just can't get rid of it. You still love that person even though the situation is not in your favor. No matter how hurt you are, you still hoped that she will love you back someday.

I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She's almost like an angel to me. Every time i am near her, i have this wonderful feeling inside of me. I have this unexplainable feeling of being happy. You probably know what I mean.

Despite of it, for 2 years I was in pain, frustrated and in despair(of course not everyday). Inspite of the pain, frustration, depression, insanity, etc, I still can't let go of my feelings. I tried every means to forget but forgetting her is not so easy. I tried drinking as soon as I get off from work but every time i woke up, she's still there. I tried to go out with others who have interest in me but my mind is still on her. I tried everything and nothing had help me. It's like a tulip that it would come alive every time its' season would come. It's like a seeds that when the rain comes, it grows, or every tree so see during winter times. You might think that it's a dead tree , but wait when the winter is over. The leaves would come out of its branches and turn into a healthy beautiful tree, where the flowers are being blown by the cold spring breeze(I've seen one with flowers)

I hate looking at it. I would imagine myself spraying some kind of chemicals, put gasoline and lit it.....well I did!!! I sprayed a gallon of weed killer hoping to get rid of it. But I still saw it growing every time the rain comes. Later did I found out that I was only trying to kill the outside of it. The roots are still alive and it spring to life every time it rains.

One day, everything falls on me. Frustration, depression, and all of it. everything that you can think of. I have great pity on myself. She didn't do it to me, i did it to myself. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go and I don't know who to talk to. Feels like its the end of me. But i didn't let it happen. I let my feelings go by crying in the parking lot. I was insane.

Back in high school, I read this book entitled "the power of positive thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale. I could never forget the verse from Philippians 4:13 which somehow had helped me alot in my times of trouble and also in my everyday life.

"I can do all the things through Christ which strengtheneth me" Phil 4:13

At that moment, I gave up and asked God to help me. I submitted myself to Him. I prayed and prayed and told God that I'm going to do as what He says.

Days had passed, crazy things happened, more insanity existed, but my feelings for her is still the same. I didn't loss hoped. I trusted God and told Him that if she's really not the one He wants for me, then i asked Him to help me get rid of her in my mind. I asked Him to give me strenght. So I did was that, every times she crosses my mind, i pray and repeat Philippians 4:13 over and over till it's gone. I would do it alot of times during the day and during the night. And that's no excuse. Happy or sad memory, it got to go.

A week ago, I noticed that I'm not doing it that much anymore. It just fade away. Though my feeling is still there, but all the depressions, frustrations are gone. I am now at peace. If she is the right one or not, God will tell me someday. Now I'm facing tomorrow with open arms and thinking of nobody but Him, and Him alone....Hmmmp drama!!!(as Ramil would say)

life is a test

"God keeps His promise, and He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm, at the time you are put to the test, He will give you strenght to endure it, and so provide you with a way out." 1 corinthians 10:13

I was at the nurse's station talking to my fellow nurses when Evelyn called on the phone. She told me the story about this certain cena where she work. She said that she lend one of her book to this cena and the next day after that cena finished reading the book, she had an accident. She brought her car to the shop to be fixed but she needed one thousand dollars to get it fixed. She claimed that she don't have that much money at that time. she don't know what to do and it's hard for her to go to work as that was her only means of transportation.

Evelyn told her to pray and as she also claimed she did, two weeks have passed and there she is looking for Evelyn with alot of excitement. She told Evelyn that she received exactly one thousand dollars from the bank. The exact amount that she needed.

Probably we experienced the same thing in our life once in a while. If we have alot of problems, we sometimes think that God don't love us anymore. We kept on questioning Him why this things happened to us. What we don't know is that God will never give problems that we cannot solve. He is testing us and will always test us in order for us to realize that He love us. He is doing this in order for us to realize that He truly exist and put our heart back on Him.

We should have more faith in Him. If we trust Him, He will show us the way to solve our problem, and probably sooner than what you think. If we offer those problems to Him, dealing with problem may not be that difficult after all. Instead of us trying to solve our problems by our self, give it to God. Offer it to Him and believe that there is always a way out.

Few weeks ago, God had tested me. I was so down and it feels like it's the end of the world. I stopped in a parking area and tried to let it go. Before it happened, i was like anybody else who don't give much attention to God. I even mocked Him sometimes. So i got what i deserved.

I prayed so hard in that parking area and asked forgiveness for my sins. I told myself that i need to renew my faith. Everything was an eye opening for me. Not only that i was able to renew my faith, He also touched me. He showed me the way and give the ability to understand Him: to understand what the Bible is trying to tell us. It's getting clearer and clearer everyday and the more i understand the Bible, the more i have peace in me. Make your faith stronger and always trust in Him and everything will be alright.

God bless!!!

just a mere coincidence?

"Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23

I was in my car trying to think of Psalm 92 as what Linda had told me a day before. It quite confused me a little bit so i asked her about it as soon arrived at work. She told me that it's not Psalm 92 but Psalm 91.She claimed it was her mistake.

I went to one of the room to borrow my patients' bible when I found her crying for pain and asking for a pain pill. I could not give it to her as her pain pill will only be given every 6 hours. I told her that i'm going to give to her as soon as it is due or probably an hour before it is due.

I read Psalm 91 from her bible and after reading it i told her that we are going to pray. I closed my eyes, meditate about Psalm 91 then i put my hand on the area that she was hurting. I asked God with all my heart to help her to be free from any pain (till the medicine is due). I could hear her praying with me saying "Thank you Jesus" alot of times.

After approximately 5 minutes of praying, i took a deep breath, thank the Lord for keeping me away from temptation and asked HIm to send His Holy Spirit to help me fight the devil as it attacks my weaknesses. I put the Bible back on her night stand and i noticed that she was already snoring. Just sleeping soundly.

I don't know if it was just a mere coincidence that the patient fell asleep or it was a wonder of God. Whatever it was, i was thankful that her pain went away that time and for the wonderful feeling i felt after that.

God bless!!!

e-mail from a friend

"you saw me before i was born and schedule each day of my life before i began to breath. every day is recorded in your book" psalm 139:16

i was checking my e-mails this morning when i remember checking my yahoo account. i haven't checked it for a while. when i opened it i saw a lot of e-mail from my former classmates but most of it are forwarded mails.

i kept on scrolling it down but the topic are all the same. it's about one of our classmate in chicago. they didn't say much about what happened to her as they want to make it confidential and all i know is that she is in one of the hospital in chicago. i quess it was her birthday last sunday or i could say today? some of our former classmates went there and give her a surprise birthday party.

she had a younger sister who's is helping her but the sad thing is that there parents don't know about this things yet. she probably had given birth and i don't what happened after that but right now she is dependent to vent. she's still young. she is so nice and very cheerful when we were in college. i'm always telling myself that she looks like madonna(singer).

i was really saddened to hear something about her. sometimes we may think that we are always well and healthy but we really don't know what will happen next. you can never tell what is His plan for us. only Him knows it and if we kept on being hardheaded or try to ignore things that God is trying to tell us, i think we're are risking our soul too much for what will become of us when our time comes.

i do believe she's going to get well pretty soon. God will help her in this time of trouble and she will always be in my prayers. and for us who are well and healthy, we should be praying more and make our faith stronger. we should always thank God for the blessing He had given us. sometimes we may forget Him because we have a lot of problems in life or we are in despair, and we tend to focuse more at those problems. but if you believe and trust the Lord, He will take those problems away. don't wait for God to give you a much bigger problem inorder for you to renew your faith in Him. do it now before it's too late.

God bless!!!

jesus

my purpose in life

"its in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ...he had his eye on us, had design on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." ephesians 1:11


we were having our lunch break when the four of us discussed our life's purpose. it started when we were discussing this awful things that's been happening around us.

lately most of us been working hard. everyone of us have her or his reason why. but some of us no matter how we work hard we still end up empty handed. sometimes no matter how more money we earned from doing overtime, we still have this awful feeling of emptiness. feels like there's still something missing... i told them that our life has a purpose and you have to know what it really is in order for you to be satisfied with what you are doing.

"a life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree"
proverbs 11:28

i remember few years back, i was a well planned man. i have this blue print in mind in how to be a successful and retire early with a lot of money. I'm so obsessed with real estate and stock market. I'd been studying stock market alot before i jump in. right now i still got a lot of books about it and other money-making strategies.

after a few years, my capital went down 50%. i tried to figure out my so called mistakes. i kept on telling myself that it's quite impossible for me to loss 50% of my capital in few years. i always know i could nail it down.

but now i kept thinking that it's good that it didn't turn out well. if it did worked out, I'd probably be one of a very lost soul out there. i know i could easily be tempted with a lot of sinful act that's been playing on my mind if ever i got a lot of money.since i already know my purpose, I'm so happy with what I'm doing. i do have alot of energy and seems never get tired.

myla said that it's be hard and need alot of guidance from above in order for us to know our purpose. it's really hard, but with my experience, i just simply know and realized it after i submitted myself to God. little by little as i go along, i have this mental image of Gods' purpose. before, i work hard for things and money and still end up with nothing. now i still don't have those but i know pretty much where i'm going and what i'm going to do.

at work, they kept on asking me why I'd be doing alot of overtime and why i never get tired. they asked me if i'm planning to buy a new car or will go on vacation again. it was a big mystery for them. nobody knows the reason why.i didn't told anybody except for one person that i told her that actually i really don't know why i'm working this much. might be depression or insanity.

it's true. the first few days i don't really know why i liked to work so much. i told myself that i will do this inorder to pay my bills or have extra money for my vacation next year. but after a few days of doing this i figured out that it's not what it really is. if i work a few extra i could still pay my bills but working this much is different. the big main reason why i worked this much is far better than my friends' speculation. whatever that is, i'm not telling nobody and whether it will turn out well or not, at least i'm happy that i know what my purpose here on earth.

God bless!!!

journey......for joyce

"as for man, his days are like grass...for the wind passes over it, and it is gone."

Psalm 103:15-16

i was reading a book titled 23 minutes in hell when suddenly the phone rang. linda, the new midnight supervisor answered the phone. she mentioned something about an employee's sister was on the phone and said that her sister got killed last night. after that she let the unit manager talked to somebody on the phone.

everybody was shocked by the news that one of our co-worker died. alot of us couldn't believed it. i was even speechless for a few moment. though i don't know her that much but i saw her once in a while and was able to talked to her and share some jokes. she was so nice and always have this positive outlook in life. always smiling and always happy.

i send txt messages to some of my friends which is also my co-workers. they too can't believed that she died. though non of us really know what happened or if it is really true, we were saddened. i looked at the news over the internet but i couldn't find any news about her. till now while writing this, i'm still watching the news.

"for what is your life?it is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away."

James 4:14

a friend told me that you really can't tell when your time will be up. really true! it's like a journey. our journey though we don't really know when will we reach our final destination. might be 50 yrs from now, or the next 5 yrs, or probably tomorrow. nobody knows. but my main question there is how we live our life during our journey. have we been happy enough or satisfied with our life. most of us can tell that we still got a lot of things to do and we are not ready to die yet. most of us are scared. who doesn't?

if you just think deeply, one of the big reason why we are afraid to die is the fear. we don't know what will happen to us in our afterlife. most of us believed that there is heaven and hell but we can't tell for sure if where will be our final destination. sometimes we maybe too confident that we can tell that we are going to heaven, but the question is, are you really? how sure are you that you will go there? what makes you say that you are going to heaven?

it's hard to determine if what are the basis inorder for us to go to heaven. sometimes we are not even sure that there is heaven, or hell. but if there is heaven, are you sure that that's where you are going? what if your belief is not good enough? what if the values and beliefs that was passed on to us by our ancestors, or mother and father, is not what really is inorder for us to go to heaven? when you die, there is no going back, and you got no choice but to go to heaven or worse if you go to hell. "ang pagsisisi ay nasa huli!" as what they said. but no matter how you repent or sorry for your sins, if you are in hell, that would be useless, as you have already been judge. where we are going to is determined by what we did here on earth.

"every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into fire." Luke 3:9

most of us is aware of what the bible is saying about salvation. God send us priest, pastors, saints, etc inorder to reach us so we will be save. but we tend to ignore it. instead we focuse more on ourselves, on how to make a lot of money and other earthly things. we are so selfish most of the time. we spend a lot of time looking at ourself in a mirror and trying to make ways to make ourself more beautiful. we spend so much time taking picture of ourselve in every different angle and in every places that we went to but didn't spent a minute trying to know who really God is. we read a lot of magazines and books but our bible has been in the same corner where you put it the last time you clean your room. sometimes we work and work hoping to get more money in paycheck but spend no time meditating about God.

what we are doing is our choice. God give us freewill to do as what we desire. if you die and you go to hell, you cannot blame God for it. it is your choice. you choosed to ignore Him. Jesus tells you to believed in Him but sometimes we unconsciously ignore Him. instead we do what we pleases. we think about ourselves so much. if your day will come, what do you expect God will do to you.

i know most of us believe in God but we tend to wait for tomorrow or next week to follow the path that He wants on us. what if that tomorrow that we been waiting will never come? what you die today?where you think you are going? as i said it's our choice. and we better decide now before its already late. our soul is what we really us. it's the reallity. our body will cease someday but our soul will live forever. so its your choice what to choose. only you can save yourself.

to joyce: may you rest in peace.